Sunday, April 19, 2020
Saturday, April 18, 2020
Freiburger Barockorchester
I'm supposed to save money just to live so cannot attend their functions. I hope to, though, someday.
I have SSI in Florida already but want to go to college in another state, Up North, on Lake Erie, the Cleveland, Ohio area. I went to that college in 2005, actually. It has German and Violin.
I can work in the summer, but I don't know where I will go during the Summer and Christmas, as SSI didn't respond neither. Living in the dorms is best timewise, during the school year. I wonder if I can graduate from German or Violin in 3 years. I think I'm a junior or will be after this semester. Hopefully, I'll be on my way, making money, as well as repaying loans.
I also hope to move to Germany. I want to see their concerts and maybe participate.
I have SSI in Florida already but want to go to college in another state, Up North, on Lake Erie, the Cleveland, Ohio area. I went to that college in 2005, actually. It has German and Violin.
I can work in the summer, but I don't know where I will go during the Summer and Christmas, as SSI didn't respond neither. Living in the dorms is best timewise, during the school year. I wonder if I can graduate from German or Violin in 3 years. I think I'm a junior or will be after this semester. Hopefully, I'll be on my way, making money, as well as repaying loans.
I also hope to move to Germany. I want to see their concerts and maybe participate.
Friday, April 17, 2020
Thursday, April 16, 2020
Saturday, April 11, 2020
Friday, April 10, 2020
Generation X - The Mandatedly Lost Generation
I can try to stay positive with what I have, but I know Generation X has nothing for them like Generation YZ now.
I support being good to Generation YZ. It's just I feel dry, don't know where to go to find my happiness. We have no invitation, and we look silly if we wish we had one.
I support being good to Generation YZ. It's just I feel dry, don't know where to go to find my happiness. We have no invitation, and we look silly if we wish we had one.
(continued)
Do you also want to get something out of it? Why not get inappropriately simulated like you messed with an older lady I like? No one told you to do it.
Other People in the US
People in the US need to get off my case or turn into a pile of muck like they made the older lady I like.
Thursday, April 9, 2020
Irish Takedown by the English in the US
So, since I'm more Irish and maybe not much English, does that mean I live by morality instead of messing around with the more bad people from the US to get popular ultimately?
"For me?"
Do you ever feel like nothing is for you? Like you're selfish if it's for you and not for some little kid, perhaps? if it's nice and pretty.
Diabetes - The Gym
I was considering keeping my gym membership to take exercise classes for $100/month and quitting school, to reverse my diabetes. I only have like 4-5 weeks of 16 weeks left I think. My dad might die in the next year or half year and I have to move out, probably before that; he told me to start looking around. I know the gym every day will lower my diabetes because it did before.
Tuesday, April 7, 2020
(continued)
So, just celebrate the reason we don't do things I did that bother people and make them say I'm in trouble like it matters?
It's an easy thing to do, as everyone knows of this. They probably recite it to their children, LOL.
It's an easy thing to do, as everyone knows of this. They probably recite it to their children, LOL.
The "Social Butterfly"
My dad keeps insisting I'm in trouble just for not being perfect or silly reasons he didn't inform me of and won't respond about with his behavior.
I meet people I like, and people really noticed this one older lady. People I like who are prestigious consider me in trouble with them too. It seems the older lady I like is going around to those people and others I know to a degree and considered quite the "social butterfly" but while I'm in trouble for no reason. So, I can't feel okay in life, also picked on for my race like it's bad. She just keeps inspiring people with the positive spirit she shows, getting popular with a fresh palette and no social background check like I have to deal with it so happens. People are all impressed with her being greeted upfront like she's always good because of what they've "seen in her." Like, she keeps going around and juggling people's messages like "she's all that" in a good way for her, like she knows exactly what to do, which she does and which is good but in a way people cling to all over the world and but like I'm bad and she's weaving in and out of my life and limitations, where I can't be treated like I'm normal for some reason when I am. Like, "it's like hello" and no one thinks I'm mature because the people monitoring me in private think I shouldn't speak yet still suffer with this. It's like I'm being challenged. It's like taking advantage of me and believing I am in trouble like it's just play, by other people. So, while I'm considered delinquent, she thrives and takes advantage of the fact that she knows now how people think I'm in trouble and celebrates it wasn't her. She is explaining life! to people by constanting wallowing in the mud pool of my supposedly being in trouble, like it's smart to notice I'm in trouble and not do that and comment on it and repriamand me like crazy in creative ways. Mostly, it's her talking about something we already know, like a tool to entertain us. So, just know how I'm in trouble and elaborate off that in the way that is uniquely you and never feel in trouble anyone but me. Just showing her positive spirit that we don't do what I'm supposedly in trouble for, like "we already know" too though but like it's a mysetery still to everyone being solved every day by her messages she's left. That's so weird. She "doesn't afraid of anything" and people use all this too look up to her as a role model, among other prejudices in her favor. I still haven't said it quite right. You know, it's seen as hard by people in Orlando, but it's just chosing an easy situation and making it elaborate.
I meet people I like, and people really noticed this one older lady. People I like who are prestigious consider me in trouble with them too. It seems the older lady I like is going around to those people and others I know to a degree and considered quite the "social butterfly" but while I'm in trouble for no reason. So, I can't feel okay in life, also picked on for my race like it's bad. She just keeps inspiring people with the positive spirit she shows, getting popular with a fresh palette and no social background check like I have to deal with it so happens. People are all impressed with her being greeted upfront like she's always good because of what they've "seen in her." Like, she keeps going around and juggling people's messages like "she's all that" in a good way for her, like she knows exactly what to do, which she does and which is good but in a way people cling to all over the world and but like I'm bad and she's weaving in and out of my life and limitations, where I can't be treated like I'm normal for some reason when I am. Like, "it's like hello" and no one thinks I'm mature because the people monitoring me in private think I shouldn't speak yet still suffer with this. It's like I'm being challenged. It's like taking advantage of me and believing I am in trouble like it's just play, by other people. So, while I'm considered delinquent, she thrives and takes advantage of the fact that she knows now how people think I'm in trouble and celebrates it wasn't her. She is explaining life! to people by constanting wallowing in the mud pool of my supposedly being in trouble, like it's smart to notice I'm in trouble and not do that and comment on it and repriamand me like crazy in creative ways. Mostly, it's her talking about something we already know, like a tool to entertain us. So, just know how I'm in trouble and elaborate off that in the way that is uniquely you and never feel in trouble anyone but me. Just showing her positive spirit that we don't do what I'm supposedly in trouble for, like "we already know" too though but like it's a mysetery still to everyone being solved every day by her messages she's left. That's so weird. She "doesn't afraid of anything" and people use all this too look up to her as a role model, among other prejudices in her favor. I still haven't said it quite right. You know, it's seen as hard by people in Orlando, but it's just chosing an easy situation and making it elaborate.
Monday, April 6, 2020
"Interesting" One to Leave out On?
Supposedly, the older lady I like does all these things to help me, but I know she just "has" to follow I'm in trouble when I shouldn't be. It's something in it for her, which is nice.
If you met me, you'd think I was perfectly fine. But, no, people found "stupid" reasons and explanations for why they needed to do this.
If you met me, you'd think I was perfectly fine. But, no, people found "stupid" reasons and explanations for why they needed to do this.
Sunday, April 5, 2020
Friday, April 3, 2020
Message Board Post by Me
(film|boards)
Re: Is Ellen Degeneres actually mean?
I guess we all have our "peculiarities."
She can do whatever she wants, though, it seems… If someone big came along, supposedly she wouldn't feel anything is too different, she's still Ellen, but some things in life- She might only hate people like me. …
Re: Is Ellen Degeneres actually mean?
I guess we all have our "peculiarities."
She can do whatever she wants, though, it seems… If someone big came along, supposedly she wouldn't feel anything is too different, she's still Ellen, but some things in life- She might only hate people like me. …
Trap
It's like I'm a trap for good people to talk to, like I'm a trick and not really a good person myself.
Message Board Post by Me
(flim|boards)
Re: Is Ellen Degeneres actually mean?
Yea, but she doesn't need to single me out like I'm different and severely exploit my relationships with other adults, but she acts like she didn't do it sometimes. Life does not end on her stage.
It could have been at least fun, but it's like there's something wrong, like hurting me and making me worrying about the relationships I had is fueling world peace and elevating my older relationships who are more privileged, so it's like I have nothing and don't deserve anything, meaning those relationships or at least just one of my favorites.
She wants to make sure I don't feel sexual gratification but does it excessively and too much in "naughty" ways to older adults I know, like that's okay. In the end, my relationships act like it's too dangerous to continue to have a good relationship in some ways.
I mind my own business, but then this happens. It's like the OJ sensation.
*I forgot to add I think it's like Ellen DeGeneres is sitting there listening and waiting for me to be done, like saying in a prissy way, "Okay," and then that it meant nothing, like she took the blow like a mother should. I don't want to talk about this actually, I'm trying to stay on the safe side, but people are acting ignorant, felt like they were incessant about things like my mom's death being the result of me watching Ellen DeGeneres for some reason, when I thought it was the racist people in Orlando that probably stressed her out and gave her cancer. It's another issue unto itself, as well, though.
Re: Is Ellen Degeneres actually mean?
Yea, but she doesn't need to single me out like I'm different and severely exploit my relationships with other adults, but she acts like she didn't do it sometimes. Life does not end on her stage.
It could have been at least fun, but it's like there's something wrong, like hurting me and making me worrying about the relationships I had is fueling world peace and elevating my older relationships who are more privileged, so it's like I have nothing and don't deserve anything, meaning those relationships or at least just one of my favorites.
She wants to make sure I don't feel sexual gratification but does it excessively and too much in "naughty" ways to older adults I know, like that's okay. In the end, my relationships act like it's too dangerous to continue to have a good relationship in some ways.
I mind my own business, but then this happens. It's like the OJ sensation.
*I forgot to add I think it's like Ellen DeGeneres is sitting there listening and waiting for me to be done, like saying in a prissy way, "Okay," and then that it meant nothing, like she took the blow like a mother should. I don't want to talk about this actually, I'm trying to stay on the safe side, but people are acting ignorant, felt like they were incessant about things like my mom's death being the result of me watching Ellen DeGeneres for some reason, when I thought it was the racist people in Orlando that probably stressed her out and gave her cancer. It's another issue unto itself, as well, though.
Thursday, April 2, 2020
Message Board Post by Me
(film|boards)
Re: Is Ellen Degeneres actually mean?
She does seem to leap ahead, and it seems all choices socially won't get me out of trouble.
People act like they must follow Ellen DeGeneres's or maybe other celebrities' supposed/optional directions and tell people, such as me, that I did something very bad and must suffer, that compared to others I deserve nothing out of life but to be humble and hard-working socially and merit without being approved of.
The only thing wrong I said about her was that if anyone does have qualms about her. Also, she acts like it's under pressure, like many, who don't seem ready to tackle certain things in life, instead, or find some other way to see things and make life interesting like art. For others in general, it's probably just Late Boomers in the world finding themselves naked in the Garden of Eden and needing to find some coverups.
I'm sorry about the famous singer Mariah Carey who I've heard of. It's too bad she was uncomfortable with that on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" or that it was revealed against her liking.
Re: Is Ellen Degeneres actually mean?
She does seem to leap ahead, and it seems all choices socially won't get me out of trouble.
People act like they must follow Ellen DeGeneres's or maybe other celebrities' supposed/optional directions and tell people, such as me, that I did something very bad and must suffer, that compared to others I deserve nothing out of life but to be humble and hard-working socially and merit without being approved of.
The only thing wrong I said about her was that if anyone does have qualms about her. Also, she acts like it's under pressure, like many, who don't seem ready to tackle certain things in life, instead, or find some other way to see things and make life interesting like art. For others in general, it's probably just Late Boomers in the world finding themselves naked in the Garden of Eden and needing to find some coverups.
I'm sorry about the famous singer Mariah Carey who I've heard of. It's too bad she was uncomfortable with that on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" or that it was revealed against her liking.
Stimulation
It's funny how stimulation is always available for Late Boomers and their Generation Z kids.
Wednesday, April 1, 2020
A Poor Community Socially
Say, someone has problems and race is sometimes involved. Some people want to make it worse for them, like complaining there are only so many people in the world.
Accepting All Types of White People
If you're not the best and have an unfair life, people will say you should be considered worse than all others and the many who are worse than you.
People are beat for not accepting people who are "different," like if they're not "symmetrically" attractive in their body, like Marilyn Monroe. It's just another way of being European that is either equal or better, people agree, though they still point out the differences.
People are beat for not accepting people who are "different," like if they're not "symmetrically" attractive in their body, like Marilyn Monroe. It's just another way of being European that is either equal or better, people agree, though they still point out the differences.
Halting Other Races
Non-white race affects opportunity to move up racially and socially and also involves being forced to move down.
Tuesday, March 31, 2020
Monday, March 30, 2020
I thought maybe the older lady I like really does like other people, like my cousin, better in unfair ways but differences that are good too. I know Ellen DeGeneres telepathically said that was her hormones. Adults, like the English did, want to feel sex from people to avoid the people they were on before in certain situations, like if they were considered good before.
People just see my aunt or know and think I don't like looks much, like many, but I like art a lot and was considered very good, too. You know, they think if they compare me to my aunt, it looks like I don't care about my looks as much or don't wish I was a beautiful fairytale princess or something.
I just Googled my cousin.
https://nypost.com/2018/09/14/evil-game-lands-stripper-her-second-arrest-of-the-day/
People think that I'm bad and that all my "best" relationships should go to her and I should suffer for a long time about it, like she deserves more than me because she has a fancy mom, my aunt, and my dad is older and more old-fashioned in nature and not like her.
Even Ellen DeGeneres believes my aunt is bad for making my other aunt watch her and not giving her enough, she informed me or others I thought and am pretty sure in how she dealt with this, through telepathic ways.
I guess my aunt was wrong, not sure how else to break it. She brought her up in the heat, she didn't want her to be like her and she's very attractive, and mostly she promotes her over me it seems or I have nothing to do with people making it so she has some of my most important things socially like relationships, like if it was hard to meet people and I finally found some.
Please don't get a bad impression of her. I think because of my aunt she had a hard life. I was just thinking it was her responsibility to raise her, not blame the world for ruining it. In fact when we talk to people she is nice and people like her better than me rather than like us both in different ways of any shared ways. They think that by getting mad at her, that's the only way to fix life. You know, sometimes they come by my house and sometimes I feel bad around them or a lot. I feel sorry for my sick dad, but he's older. It's interesting my dad is also a violent parent sometimes, like if I ask if something is weird he threatens to throw me out of the house or car, same with my mom.
So, I don't mean to say anything bad about anyone, just like my aunt is confused about her…
If you know the bad point it's the idea that adults try to say I don't deserve anything because it's only my aunt's side that is glamorous.
People think that I'm bad and that all my "best" relationships should go to her and I should suffer for a long time about it, like she deserves more than me because she has a fancy mom, my aunt, and my dad is older and more old-fashioned in nature and not like her.
Even Ellen DeGeneres believes my aunt is bad for making my other aunt watch her and not giving her enough, she informed me or others I thought and am pretty sure in how she dealt with this, through telepathic ways.
I guess my aunt was wrong, not sure how else to break it. She brought her up in the heat, she didn't want her to be like her and she's very attractive, and mostly she promotes her over me it seems or I have nothing to do with people making it so she has some of my most important things socially like relationships, like if it was hard to meet people and I finally found some.
Please don't get a bad impression of her. I think because of my aunt she had a hard life. I was just thinking it was her responsibility to raise her, not blame the world for ruining it. In fact when we talk to people she is nice and people like her better than me rather than like us both in different ways of any shared ways. They think that by getting mad at her, that's the only way to fix life. You know, sometimes they come by my house and sometimes I feel bad around them or a lot. I feel sorry for my sick dad, but he's older. It's interesting my dad is also a violent parent sometimes, like if I ask if something is weird he threatens to throw me out of the house or car, same with my mom.
So, I don't mean to say anything bad about anyone, just like my aunt is confused about her…
If you know the bad point it's the idea that adults try to say I don't deserve anything because it's only my aunt's side that is glamorous.
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Saturday, March 28, 2020
Friday, March 27, 2020
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
Website Update
Old Pictures of Me
link
I lost pictures and videos in Hurricane Katrina in 2005.
link
I lost pictures and videos in Hurricane Katrina in 2005.
me at age 15 or 16
just holding a violin
me at age 16
Tuesday, March 24, 2020
Monday, March 23, 2020
About Going Along Fine
People let you get ahead if you're not as mixed race as others.
If you think you're good at something with your peers and you're more mixed race, people think you're bad showing off, like you should "go to ****," almost literally.
If you think you're good at something with your peers and you're more mixed race, people think you're bad showing off, like you should "go to ****," almost literally.
Limited Access Due to Generation and Race
You know how you only can tell some things if you're a Late Boomer or their Generation YZA kid? Same thing with race in some places apparently, if you don't fit in, like here in Orlando then you can't be amazing because you're also identified and shut out socially in that way. I guess none of you people want to give it a try.
Overly Sensitive and Apologetic, Secretly Competitive - Also Defines the US
What do you think of people who act overly sensitive and apologetic but seem to do it sort of "standing in front of you," like maybe you're still "cool" to others though you're doing things right just without all the weird yet amazing humbled effects applied?
They tend to have light brown hair and brown eyes, no offense to anyone. Just try to get a word in and they won't notice you much unless you're popular...
They tend to have light brown hair and brown eyes, no offense to anyone. Just try to get a word in and they won't notice you much unless you're popular...
I plan to take ballet, again.
A beginning ballet class again, twice a week.
I'm excited...
• long sleeve black leotards
• black ballet slippers (double sole)
• black tights (with opening at bottom of feet)
• black leg warmers (to cover the muscular figure of my legs)
• black wrap around skirt (I tried one stretchable skirt and it rolled up, didn't have a band though I think
• black underwear
• black sports bras with padding
• black elastic band for ponytail, with some hair hanging on the side because it's too short to tie up
• black duffel bag with a shoe compartment and 1/2 wet/dirty section 1/2 dry/clean section
1 reason I am taking it is to stay in shape, too, but I do like it and because it's fun and athletic.
I took gymnastics when I was little, and so I guess in ballet last resort hard to remember steps for me.
I'm excited...
• long sleeve black leotards
• black ballet slippers (double sole)
• black tights (with opening at bottom of feet)
• black leg warmers (to cover the muscular figure of my legs)
• black wrap around skirt (I tried one stretchable skirt and it rolled up, didn't have a band though I think
• black underwear
• black sports bras with padding
• black elastic band for ponytail, with some hair hanging on the side because it's too short to tie up
• black duffel bag with a shoe compartment and 1/2 wet/dirty section 1/2 dry/clean section
1 reason I am taking it is to stay in shape, too, but I do like it and because it's fun and athletic.
I took gymnastics when I was little, and so I guess in ballet last resort hard to remember steps for me.
Reasons Not to Trust Ballet
Young children in modern dance have cuter costumes and more opportunities in the US, such as competition in dance as a group in most any area of the US.
Everything is fun, too.
Some people aren't steered towards a career in any of the arts or at least not in ballet or maybe not dance neither.
Everything is fun, too.
Some people aren't steered towards a career in any of the arts or at least not in ballet or maybe not dance neither.
Mainstream Ballet in the US
A lot of people end up in artistic careers who didn't end up caring for ballet when they were kids. Musicians seem to be getting a lot of respect now. A lot of people regret not doing art when they were younger and do it now. Many people trust the film industry, as well, and become actors. However, doing ballet is what people do to be safe in the US. In Germany, it seems their classical music has surpassed ballet here in the US. In the end, many girls who danced or cheered just use it to be popular after they quit because they are so pumped up and have maybe the hottest figures. Some quit after junior high, whereas some hadn't then yet even begun.
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